found the swarovski cross.
i don't know what to do with it.
should i keep it close? or should i put it where it belongs?
i know it should be worthless to me now,
just a small token of what our friendship was.
i know i should have felt disgusted holding it,
it should repel me,
just like you, but i don't.
so i'm keeping it.
seems like i got mad really easily this week,
definitely a bad one.
the worst one.
strange it always happens early July.
i could nearly feel my heart palpitating,
when you said i was cute.
not like it's the first,
but somehow you made it palpitate.
maybe it'll pass.
maybe it'll stay.
it couldn't stay anyway, you're like fifty continents away.
i hate awkward silences.
awkward silences make me squirm,
make me uncomfortable,
make me rack my brain for something
witty to say,
make my palms sweat and eyes wander.
so i try to avoid it as much as possible.
and i like people who make my job easier,
really appreciate it.
i wish i had something happy to talk about,
i wish i wouldn't need to succumb to
talking to myself literally to vent out
my penned up feelings.
i wish i could talk to you all night long.
because you make me smile, you really do.
well so do alot of people.
but is it different?
i think it is. but i can't trust myself anymore,
i've 'believed', i've regretted it,
i've repented every of the idiotic mistakes i did,
and i really do not want to repeat them.
but i still think it's different,
i find solace in praying.
tonight would be no difference.