heart over head.

anticipation is the purest form of pleasure,

2012-01-26T13:21:00.000-08:00

hello, my virtual ranting ground.
i have been.. sooooo.. busy. (busy 9gagging, busy eating macarons, you get the drill)
but seriously though, there have been edexcels to tackle and all the hype about chinese new year. it's crazy how time passes. it's already nearing the end of january and it felt like it was yesterday that i was chugging down jagerbombs while counting down to the new year.
things have gotten progressively more complicated and complex as compared to december. i was so sure i could handle it, i was so sure that it wouldn't affect me. how have things gotten so out of hand?
time will tell.
that was what i told myself exactly a month ago. has enough time passed? i actually am secretly glad that time is flying by, so i could get all these shit over with. 5 more months till i finish A-levels. things are gonna change and people are gonna leave and decisions would have to be made. the FUTURE, the looming FUTURE, so uncertain.
will we stay or will we go?
will i stay or will i go?
a wise man once said that the anticipation of a kiss sometimes is better than the kiss itself. i've always doubted that. but i think i'm starting to go back on my words. sometimes anticipating something really IS better than the experience itself. because unexpected circumstances come up, things don't go as planned, fireworks weren't fired. t

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. ~A.A. Milne

thinking of it, writing about it, just makes me want to cry. when has it started becoming this way? i think it was when i realized that i'm not good enough. so if i'm not good enough even though i've tried my hardest, why try harder right? since you're always gonna be not sufficient. lacking. so screw it, take it or leave it, right? since i'm never enough in the first place.
i've always wondered whether i preferred knowing, or being ignorant. knowing hurts. but being ignorant makes me a stupid imbecile. but knowing hurts. it still does. all the EFFORT that i've put in, the HOPES that i had, the ANTICIPATION.
who even effing cares.
so don't put in effort, don't hope, and don't anticipate. because the experience would always let you down. and i feel sad, because for once, i want the experience to be better than the anticipation.
maybe i'm demanding, maybe i'm insatiable.
but why did you do it?
if you have not done that, things would be so different...

sorry. anyways!

poodle puppy :3

macarons from nathalie's. favorite comfort food.

random mist night!

another random night!

after gym!

psssst.

2012-01-02T10:52:00.000-08:00

dinner at alexis and dessert at t forty two w/ the best friend!

before and after of my dinner.

blackforest in a glass for dinner,

dinner at hokkaido ichiba before milk on NYE, xxxxxxxxx pretty memorable night.
broken bottle of bacardi, yellow diamonds in the light...

foggy ]:<

dinner at rakuzen on nuuu yaaaa.

saved me tonight. i love you.

chinese food! new year's dinner w/ the college mates.

macarons w/ the buff best friend -__-

it's too cold outside, for angels to fly.

burnt lungs, sour taste.

2012-01-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

you told me that was our song,
but i think this is our song.

happy new year. happy.. new year.
new year resolution. do what makes me happy, follow my heart. follow my heart.
the first minute of new year's was spent chugging down a jagerbomb.
if i could explain the end of 2011 in words, it would be,..
unexpected.
it was ever so unexpected.
the future,
looming. ahead. unknown.
would we stay here or would we go? things are different now. maybe it's me. i made it different. i'm sorry. the future is such a scary place.
time will tell..
time will tell.

2011-12-30T00:59:00.001-08:00

never ever thought i would feel this way.
maybe you taught me that its okay to do it.
i'm a hypocrite.
i'm a coward.
i'm selfish.
i can't find the words to tell you that maybe that was the last straw.
maybe i don't feel it anymore.
maybe this is it.

2011-12-26T07:52:00.000-08:00

before heading to g6. wow i think this was 2 weeks ago. g6 is pretty whack -_- especially the music and the crowd. and they had a television in a club -_-

breakfast at Antipodean.

macarons at Nathalie's! two days in a row. look at the amount of magical sugar i've consumed.

my favorites are nougat, caramel, and pistachio!

another one of those days where i marvel at how potent the effect someone could have on me. and how i prioritize someone.

lemon sorbet that was totally not worth it. -_-

christmas eve. wasn't expecting much but it turned out to be funnnnn :D fun in a way that i was watching others get smashed. i refrained from drinking (much), so proud of myself! :')

lunch at Alexis on christmas eve, cod fish in miso..

and smoked salmon sandwich.

strawberry fondue!

i'm going through shit now ugh.

if a girl ever steals your man, there's no better revenge than letting her keep him.

2011-12-20T12:33:00.000-08:00

you're despicable.
can you stop texting and calling me so i won't need to SPEAK to you?
because honestly i can't even find any fucks in me to give and all i want to do is just to hurl blame at you and that'd inevitably start up a huge unnecessary fight so the better thing to do is just to not talk and ignore each other's existence.
you're really despicable.
you're a midas in reverse.
you're the king of pain and hurt.

2011-12-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
All my heart, it breaks every step that I take
But I'm hoping that the gates,
They'll tell me that you're mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
I feel so alone on a Friday night
Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine
It's like I told you honey

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words
This is the last time
Cause you and I, we were born to die

2011-12-16T15:30:00.000-08:00

sigh..............
sigh..............
sigh..............
wishing for the best tomorrow. always wishing. even though i know the outcome. for a split second, just a miracle. maybe it's not a ''miracle'', but since its never happened before, maybe once or twice, it's a miracle to me whenever it DOES happen. which is once or twice. tonight, split second, hoping, even though i know. then i saw, and i knew the miracle wasn't going to happen.
tomorrow, i'll be wishing and hoping again.
even though i know the outcome.
why do we live like this these days? it's been a long time since i've ever felt something real. twice, i've felt it. happiest days of my life. i don't know. i don't know. why are things always like this? do i want different things? simple pleasures. i believe all my simple indulgences are domestic ones. but i never get them. i never. maybe i'm just demanding. maybe i'm just different.
i'm hoping.
i'm wishing.
my heart aches knowing that i'll be disappointed once again. but i can't help but keep that little sliver of hope, knowing that IF it happens, i'll be ever so happy..
everyone deserves to be happy.
so why do some people rob other people out of their happiness? schadenfreude? sadistic? happy knowing other people are suffering?
this makes me seem so weak. but i know i'm not. how could someone who has had their heart poached so many times, late at night, holding back, be weak? i think it's strength that's keeping it going.
i'm still hoping.
i'm still wishing.
why? maybe i shouldn't hope. i shouldn't have expectations. they say the best things and best moments happen spontaneously. not planned. you can never plan a perfect moment, i've tried to. millions of times, i've replayed it in my head. feel the silhouette of my would-be happiness. it turns out that, things always go the opposite way. so why am i still hoping?
i'm impatient. but i'm also extremely patient.
for an impatient person, being patient, makes me extremely patient.
but waiting hurts. knowing hurts. knowing too much hurts. why do i have to know so much? why couldn't i just be ignorant and not know and not hurt and not understand. i could be kept in the dark, as long as i don't know, and i won't be sad.
all i want are simple pleasures.
i may not like what i know, but i have to know.. i have to.
so should i hope tonight?

2011-12-15T16:16:00.000-08:00

i'm sure you've heard,
everyone's going to hurt you. you just have to find the people worth getting hurt for.
who is worth getting hurt for? hurt hurts. it renders you vulnerable. it's as if having a knife plunged into your stomach and your heart just squeezes and wrenches itself until you can't breathe properly and you close your eyes but hot tears escape through and threaten to flow and you let out an involuntary exhalation that sounds like an audible gasp.
why do we hurt the ones we love?
why do we do things that we know inevitably would hurt the ones we love? we know they'll be crushed, but we do it anyway. is that selfishness i see? and hypocrisy at its best? since we do not want the same thing being done to us.
hurt, because of a person's selfish, deliberate and hypocritical act.
hurt, because someone you cherish has lost trust in you and instead, decide to lean on things other people said.
scared, because you don't know how you're going to forget and ignore the hurt. to wake up the next morning and go on with life pretending that none of that actually made an impact on you, facing the same people, saying it doesn't matter, feigning normalcy, when in fact, it's all that you could ever think about.
you distract yourself, you read, you study, you play tetris battle, you laugh with someone you never thought would make you laugh, you clean your room. anything to keep your mind off the hurt, it's as if it's a shameful thing.. pile it up with fallen leaves, hide it under your bed, flush it down the toilet.
and you start thinking of unexpected people who has made you smile and laugh when you're at your lowest, and..
''if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best''
comes to mind.
if they can handle me at my worst, be there for me when i need someone, don't they deserve me at my best?

2011-12-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

green apple daiquiri before bed, hehe.

went over to Levain for macaroons in the afterning,

getting ready for jji jyng's birthday at Mist. was looking forward to heading to Rootz after Mist but couldn't make it, :(

like being forced to take pictures hAHAHAHAHA

like ohmagaddd so vain! D:

first flaming lambo,

second flaming lambo!

180cm monster. no K.O! woohoooo!

pretty sky.

best drink ever!! never thought i'd leave my matcha tea latte but i'm a convert!! :D

...sigh. :(

2011-12-08T11:57:00.000-08:00

when i was cleaning my room! categorized all my make up and put them in boxes :D

new feather shoes from aldo. i look like a chicken wearing them hahaha they're adorable!

macarons at Hummingbirds w megan and jerica,
they're soooo addictive! earl gray was good.

combined effort into making supper!

omg the neighbor's persian cat!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so pretty i was so contemplating getting a persian cat for my poodle to play together with hahaha so adorable seriously.

original picture, i look zombiefied fair.

a n g r y .

KITTYYYYYYYY :3
*kisses**mwahhahahwhahhwahhwhahahahhamwh*

pjs. bimbotic post, goodnight! long day tomorrow leggooooos!
and sigh, t-minus 5 days. i hate distance. i really hate distance.

2011-12-07T14:37:00.000-08:00

everyone is just full of bullshit. hypocrites, liars, bullshit.
just imagine this, you're in this situation, where you watch someone spurt out blatant lies (take it from me, they were lies) to someone else and not being able to do or say anything because you don't want to embarrass the liar and make the situation even more awkward than it already is. so you just stand there like an idiot, listening to all the ludicrous sugarcoated lies, mentally shaking your head and exclaiming in disgust. you attempt to make eye contact with the liar, attempting to convey 'what the hell?'s with a rehearsed face concealing the profusely overflowing disgust thats emanating from your inner core.
seriously, what the hell?
yes, things would be 'better' but is it any use sugarcoating the truth? oh okay, sugarcoating is the understatement of the century, oh no the MILLENIUM, you're actually just dumping a custard filled donut into icing sugar and drizzling it with hot fudge fueled with aspartame. oh and add a few maraschino cherries on top. serve it, and oh it's absolutely delicious, but also absolutely effing lethal.
and the worst part, the WORST part, is that you can't even do anything about it. it's not your story to tell. it's someone else's cock and bull story and correcting said story would only make an ass out of yourself. a bitch, in the liar's eyes.
why are everyone such hypocrites?
why is everyone so fake? so pretentious, so hidden behind their masked up personas, feigning concern and care when in actual fact they're mentally laughing and smirking and secretly happy at others' misery. schadenfreude, thats what it is, schadenfreude. but oh, of course they can't show their enjoyment of other peoples' misfortune. they do worse things, say they would be there for you, offer a hug, or a shoulder to lean on.
oh come on please a hug isn't rocket science. i could offer anyone a 5 second hug and i don't necessarily give a single damn about that person.
i despise insincere hugs.
no, you're not making me feel better! piss off!
and so, because of this, because of the abundance of fake people all around, i am slowly losing the capability of trusting. which is sad, and tiring. being cautious is tiring, being on your guard is exhausting. so drained.

2011-12-04T14:41:00.000-08:00

heeeey! i'm on holidays now soooooo i'm super hyped! hehe. some pictures,

when the poodle was try'na kiss me. hehehehe.

i miss this boy so much already,
:(

macarons he got me!!! :D was amaaaaazing.

megs and i for puss in boots! :D
was super adorable omg and it was alllll about cats. and i love cats. everyone loves cats.

tired gym look.

megs.

brenda and i @ dragon-i pavilion before far east movement.

osmanthus and aloevera for dinner, passed out after f.e movement, but after party @ zouk still onz! vvip!

kevnishhhhh! rocketeer was amaaaazing. vvip lounge was awesome! :D

moet free flow all night looooong.

after party @ zouk mainroom,

prohhhhhgresssss!

kevin nish :)

his eyes are puny without shades on! hahahahaha man i feel mean :P guess he was too tipsy that he dropped his shades before taking this picture.

megan & james.

gagagagagagagagaga lipsmackers Paul Frank collection! :3

bunny :3

e y e s - k a s k a d e . x

pavlova n' tiramisuuuu! dessert for dinner @ alexis. very good for my hypo.

shopping w/ becksss <3

hold my hand if you're feeling scared,
we're flying o u t, o u t, o u t t a h e r e .

up up here we go,
where we stop, n o b o d y k n o w s .

some pictures from megan's camera. thank you, megan!

2011-11-30T08:10:00.000-08:00

snowflake w the girls!

w the roger federer cap and the boyfriend's SUPER OVERSIZED -_- sweater. DO I LOOK LIKE A MAN

A pretty man? :P
mannnnnn seriously damn ugly.

from bisou!

daniel tham,

jerica chou! after gymmmmm!

:3 sooo hardcooreeeee!

aint sober.

the girls super hyped up for gym cuz of zoukoutttttt

hehehehehe engagement ring... TO MYSELF. -_-

Most adorable puppy hehehehehehe meow meow

that day at J.W marriott.

charm bracelet for 38$! wtc a bit overpriced right.

i super love my expression here hahahahahaha!

anyway yeah my life is kind of self-destructive now.

2011-11-27T01:08:00.000-08:00

saturdaaay,

]:<

macarons at Levain w megan, brenda and jericaaa.

BEST SCENE IN BREAKING DAWN :'''''''''''''''''''''''''''( :''''''''''''''''''''''''''') :'''''''''D

2011-11-20T09:09:00.000-08:00

a really funny picture of me being so intent on my nachos. :D
anyway ughhh it's been a hell of a week. i would like to blame it on my hormones, so i shall.
it sucks when you let emotions take you over, you start to over think and start concocting all sorts of bullcrap in your mind. OVERTHINKING, it's the worst.

michelle and becky! :)

my only beloved. HAHAHA WHY SO CORNY HEHE

cupcakes lydia baked for becky and anyi's surprise party.. :)

my hair looks pretty ashy here. and the pretty christmas tree! :)

cherrylicious from dome. :3

which is a load of fats and sugar and calories with no hint of cherry, but still good!

stuck in the jam for an hour just for levain's macaroons! the durian one was divine. someone was so skeptical trying it haha but ended up loving it! best macarons if i dare say so myself.

one of those blissfully lonely mornings.

dinner!

strawberry dipped w/ chocolates omg, amazingggg!! i've been eating so much these days as you can clearly tell hahah

gongcha w/ the best budddd <3

one of those blissful mornings w/ the best friend.

beckaaay!

ramen from hokkaido santouka ramen on tokyo street! really good ramen but a bit overpriced for 30$ a bowl?!

my beloved poodle! mwah mwah mwah <3

look carefully and you can see my eye bags popping out.. gosh gosh! :)

my super cool bed w/ angry birds all over. <3
okay goodnight gosh my eyeliner is smudging all over already! x

2011-11-19T08:13:00.000-08:00

why do you do this to me?
why do you do this so easily?
you make it hard to smile, because, you make it hard to breathe.
why do you do this to me..?

what can i do?
say it's true.
or everything that matters breaks in two.
say it's true..
i'll never ask for anyone but you.
talk to me, i'm throwing myself in front of you
and all i ever do is give, it's time you see my point of view.
and i know, that you want us, to figure it out
and God knows i do too.

i'm sorry.
so what?
but you don't think i said enough.. i'm sorry.
i don't care, you were never there.

late night you make me feel like i'm desperate,
i'm not desperate..

where's the pain when you walked out the door?
it doesn't hurt like it used to before.
where's the love that we couldn't ignore?
it doesn't kick like a pill anymore.
where's the thrill at the end of our fights?
where's the heat when we turn off the lights?

2011-11-12T03:58:00.000-08:00

mochi from tokyo street which LOOKS cute but the boyfriend says tastes like medicine AHA

lunch w becks :3

so ombre!

what a levels do to us :(
HEHE!

2011-11-10T08:39:00.001-08:00

christmassy 'sweater'! after gym.

HAHAHA thought this was a funny picture cuz i was so intently setting the flash thing. with my kitten looking so cute :3

AM I PRETTY ENOUGH NOW:3

AM I PRETTY ENOUGH NOW X2 :3

toffee nut latte!!! missed it so much since i last had it in singapore. and have i told you i've been having starbucks EVERYDAY without fail for 7 days in a row hahaha *rubs tummy*

felt stupid posing for 3 seconds that i burst out laughing :3

:3
OMG HAHAHA I LOOK SO CHRISTMASSY WITH MY CHRISTMASSY SWEATER AND MY CHRISTMASSY TOFFEE NUT LATTE OMG :D

2011-11-07T01:14:00.000-08:00

WHATEVER.

2011-11-04T09:49:00.001-07:00

one of those moments when i really, really want to curse and yell and cry and soak up in my own self-inflicted (or not) misery but all i can do is,...

oh. ok.

2011-11-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

i used to ramble a lot on here and i'll feel tonnes better after. like i've released some sort of negative energy penned up in me or something. but i've stopped doing that a long time ago.. mainly because i think i sound stupid and i don't fancy anyone knowing tooooo much about me..

but today i just feel like piss. shit. poo. puke. barf. droppings. feces. vomit. combined.

nothing is wrong but nothing is right.

actually fine. i should stop being in denial. obviously deep down, i know what's wrong. obviously i know the source of what's bothering me. but i keep being in denial and trying to lie to myself or to convince myself that it doesn't phase me. come on, it does. it soooo does.

i guess i just need to get over it. i always do. i guess.

2011-10-31T09:26:00.000-07:00

hellooooo! have i been quite MIA? HAHA! gosh, i feel so so very loved today by the closest people around me. has been a really eye-opener! i hope i feel like this all the time.. B+! :D

before going to Avalon for Steve Aoki! which was pretty crazy but thankfully nothing crazy happened.. (to me) hehe.

barefoot in barcelona! currently in LOVE with this color.

A grape fit

white shatter!

For Tiffany! love love love this color! it's a tribute to Audrey Hepburn and the color is supposed to mimic Tiffany & Co's signature color.. but really, i have seen no color that is the exact replica of Tiffany & Co's!

Paradise Dynasty's colorful xiao long bao! have heard my friends raved about it and finally got to try it last weekend. my favorite was foei gras and black truffle! which tasted like mushrooms. we had one basket each, haha!

lunchhh

Marc Jacob's daisy Eu so fresh! omg i so totally love this! it's amazing!!

Mcdonalds and The Runaways instead of a night out clubbing o:)

gosh the cinnamon bites are the best!!!! and i'm not huge about cinnamon.

Megan and i at Avalon.

Steve Aoki!

meg's disney blusher! gosh this is sooo cute but it's discontinued :(

....lol

dress from H&M :)

sent this to my best friend. :D best toffee nut latte eveeeeer gosh i really want this.

my ebi rice burger for lunch. which sucked!!! :(

this picture tells me i need to get a haircut and a color touch-up.

my no.1 guy :3♥

there's a better picture but i can't find it in my folder after i've transferred them sigh -_- beloved becky!♥

err.. haha shameless. a bit.

cute shoes!! :D

macarons from TWG tea! sooo diabetes-ly sweet, prefer Levain's!

teriyaki chicken burger from Mos burger for lunch againnnnnnn.

gosh, that day, last thursday, was the best day everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

shoes my boyfriend got for meeee! so sweet of him!

have been spending so much on Starbucks lately. :( i still want!

listening to Gallery by Mario Vazquez really made me think about this guy who introduced me to this song 2 years ago hoping to subtly hint that he'll actually be the one who would treat me right before i got together with the boyfriend. i guess apparently the guy thought that i was some kind of 'gallery'
'' tell me is the money worth your soul?''
'' don't let him cheapen you, he don't see you like i do''
gosh, -__- seriously quite annoying. should stop listening to it.

omgggg, goodnight!

2011-10-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

today.. was a very funny day.
okay maybe i shouldn't use the word funny. i was being a mental case. i hate it when hormones does this to me, it's hard to control. i'm not mental, but sometimes i act mental. which is scary. and i'm not scary. and definitely not mental.
october has been the most.. cuckoo month this year. it's mentally exhausting. i don't know, i hope this won't last. i hope.
and i cannot, absolutely, believe that i've been through 3 EXAMS THIS YEAR. semester test (i think? i forgot), qualifying test (i know right.) and trials!! Trials are supposingly the most important exam (except for the real edexcel exams...) and because of this cuckoo month i've been having, i haven't exactly paid that much effort in it.. i don't even know how i feel actually. haha.
this is supposed to be the best week ever... with exam stress out of our way and, well, it's just supposed to be good. nearly forgot the fact that i'm going to be off to singapore (AGAIN, I KNOW.) on friday. spending Halloween there, and i don't know what's gonna happen but i hope it'll be good. i need it to be good.

i think i've been overly emotional these few days, gosh!!! i hate the word emotional. i hate it. i hate to be called emotional, i'll rather have the emotional range of a teaspoon (ooh quote) rather than feeling all petty sensitive emotions. it's so unnecessary. it clouds up your mind, and the smallest thing that happened could send me in a crying jag. CRYING JAGS! how embarrassing. tea spills on my bed. OH GOD WHYYYY WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME NOOOO WHYYYY WHY TEAAA NOOO. car alarm goes off, OH MY GOSH NOOOO WHY MEEEEEEE. drops key to the ground, NOOOO KEY WHY YOU DROPPPPPP *crying jag*
-_-
seriously, i better get a grip on myself.
and i AM going to get a grip on myself. NOW.

2011-10-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

best lunch. ever. ever. ever.

so we were hungry, at freaking 2 in the morning, and we decided to drive thru at Mcdonalds.
seems harmless.

UNTIL WE ORDERED THE DINNER BOX SET FOR 4-5 PAX.
for the two of us.

2 in the morning pyjamas + famished cat + overly excited look.

aiyo i so hot wtf =_=

clutching the beloved dinner box set while driving home. dangerous. not something the boyfriend would approve..

SEXCITED!!!

four drinks for the two of us :D which we didn't finish in the end..

SEXCITED!!! (you could tell i was excited by the number of pictures i took wtf)

SEXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEXCITED ON MY BED!!

obama. hehehe.

i love you bbcat.

manicure bbcat did for me at 5 in the morning.

otw for shopping and dinner. was raining SO heavily i couldn't see anything on the road for a split second ._.

and while i'm battling on the road..

new bracelets from diva!!! and my itouch hahahahahaha!

Forever 21 ring mmm

hahaha lol

and this, is the leg, of the #riversidemuddafaka who was constantly KICKING my seat in the cinema, we turned, stared, cock stared, told off, shot daggers, da midda finguh, iphone brightness at the maximum SHINING to his face,bbcat squatted on her seat to irritate the stupid girlfriend, blackberry's flashlight shone to his face (and also mine in the process), contemplating burning his toenails off (wouldn't want liability so i suggested against that), talk about his erectile dysfunction audibly, and also contemplated punching him with my killer ring in tact.

he was CONSTANTLY KICKING AT A CONSTANT TEMPO and it was like he ENJOYS taunting us. NOT IN THE TEASING WAY. everytime we turned to stare at him he simply looks away and his girlfriend would (i supposed) abashedly stare at the cinema screen avoiding our glare. he even shuffled his toenails RIGHT NEXT TO MY FACE. okay not directly next but CLOSE TO MY FACE I CAN EVEN HEAR HIS SHUFFLINGS UGH STUPID CHINA MAN.

after the movie, he was soooooooooo cowardly, didn't even dare to stare at our faces or acknowledge our presence. i took A LOT of pictures of him but my itunes simply refuses to sync it -_- MAYBE BECAUSE EVEN MY ITUNES IS TOO REVOLTED BY HIS ---- FACE.

DARE TO DO, PLEASE DON'T BE SO PUSSY TO AVOID EYE CONTACT PLEASE :)

i pity his girlfriend, having dung for brains and still being with such an inconsiderate, rude, #muddafaka JERK.

IF MY BOYFRIEND WERE TO DO THAT TO ANOTHER GIRL HE WOULDN'T EVEN BE MY BOYFRIEND AT ALL.

BUT HE WON'T.

BECAUSE HE, UNLIKE THAT #muddafakajerkERECTILEDYSFUNCTIONchinaASS,

actually has manners.

i really wonder whether he had parents to teach him manners. this is NORMAL ETIQUETTE, to not shove your smelly feet to another person's seat (when the leg room is spacious) and not to be such a pussy to bully girls. IF ONLY A GUY WAS WITH US, I HOPE HE BASHES HIS BRAINS OUT. -_-

plus, we were watching REAL STEEL (HUGH JACKMAN OMGGGGGGG!!!) and with all the punching and boxing, we REALLY felt like punching someone.

if only he wasn't like a 100 pounds heavier than me AND a guy AND a disrespectful china savage/feral AND having a face so revolting that TOUCHING HIM (BY PUNCHING) WOULD BE A DISGRACE TO MY HAND.

it's an insult.

my hand doesn't deserve to touch such unsanitary rubbish. especially one who HIGHLY POSSIBLY has herpes and gonnorhea and AIDS and hepatitis B and CRABS and all types of STDs.

OH WAIT NOOOOO I WAS WRONG,

HOW COULD SOMEONE GET STDs WHEN NOONE WANTS TO.................... HIM!?!?!?!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

oh my gosh. i pity you.

it's okay, there are still prostitutes. (THEM unwillingly and reluctantly i highly think)

*SHAKING MY HEAD WHILE SMILING IN A PITEOUS WAY (kinda like towards a cockroach when it's wriggling on the floor dying)*

I WILL POST UP HIS PICTURES!!! :D as soon as my itunes decide to prepare a bucket for puke when it syncs his pictures.. :) :) :)

anyway real steel was freaking amazing :D considering that it involves robots and i LOVED it, it IS GOOD!!!

AND HUGH JACKMAN!!!

bye.:)

2011-10-15T16:20:00.000-07:00

seriously though, some people, they're so insensitive. saying things that pop up in their (self assumed) smart (but actually very) imbecilic mind. and expecting others not to get affected by it.
INSENSITIVY, IT IS NOT A CRIME.
it's not something we expect to be automatically ingrained into everyone. but when you're already being so apathetically indifferent to other peoples' EMOTIONS and FEELINGS, please do expect the same treatment.
DO NOT EXPECT US TO BE SENSITIVE TO YOUR OWN EMOTIONS/FEELINGS WHEN YOU ARE (notoriously acclaimed) TO BE THE UNEMOTIONAL, UNFEELING, (or put in nicer words, not letting emotions ''take you over'', or ''be wavered by the tiniest sliver of FEELING'') JERK.
that is all.
if someone would be proud of their own emotional range (OF A TEASPOON!), you don't deserve empathy.
got your feelings hurt? now you know how it feels.

2011-10-15T03:00:00.001-07:00

sorry i'm not perfect.

2011-10-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

if you're only trying hard to be someone else.. you're wasting the person you are.
i miss you.
something i've been trying to deny. because suppressing how much i miss you somehow hurts less than admitting i am.

i really feel so sorry for what i did..
an impulse,
an overwhelming sense of inferiority,

b's cranky salmon roll w/o the salmon. :]

bruised eye,

sticks and stones may break my bones but words hurt forever.

marie from aristocats!!!

i'm bulletproof,
nothing to lose.

because numbing it isn't enough,
letting go isn't enough,
redemption isn't enough,

the moon,

@#$%^&*(

i hate my hair.

hey, it's okay.
i don't blame you.
because if i were you, i would've felt the same repulsion and disgust.
so i wouldn't mind if you left.
because if i were you, i would've left the first moment i've set eyes on me.

2011-10-11T11:09:00.000-07:00

it's easy to see when you mean the world to someone.
it's also easy to know that you don't.

2011-10-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

i'm sure.. i'm not like that.
um.
i think.

2011-10-10T05:13:00.000-07:00

i think i'm slowly going insane.
sweet nothings, sour somethings. i remember every single little 'sour something'. it hurts but i have to pretend it doesn't.
bipolar sides. insecure + too full of myself. i am still intimidated.
it actually is a form of degradation when someone of THAT standard is even capable...
i mean, like, ew.
being mean is better than being trodden on.
because, trust me, it hurts.

2011-10-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

wondering, wondering, wondering,

how can love ever.. ever turn into hate? some may say there's only a thin line between love and hate. have you ever hated someone you truly love(d)?

no, love is love.
love can never be hate.
love that can engender spite, can spawn lies, is not love. that can never be love.
LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND. IT DOES NOT ENVY, IT DOES NOT BOAST.

no, no, no, no.
never.

2011-10-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

my ''healthy'' dinner.. aaarrgh not really. :c

frozen strawberries from Rakuzen :D could still remember the first time i had them.

my mentaiko onigiri which i have been craving for for ages. looks may be deceiving. it's amazingly tasty.

PINK mentaiko! looks orange in the picture but i swear it's pink in real life and chili flakes in abundance of course! rakuzen is by far the only place which has them (that i know of)

H A P P Y . x

daniel tham.

me and aforementioned onigiri.

new cover!!

okay going out to numb my sense bye

2011-10-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

brenda bb ♡

i love how in both of the pictures above, one of us is not looking at the camera.

m i d n i g h t / bangles x

omg i love love love my bangles seriously SERIOUSLY UGHHH :D ♡

diva rings ♡

cutest pen everrrr!! :D doodolls :D cupipi hehehe

my loveliest boyfriend ever.

today is our first-year anniversary, and so much has happened since the first day we've been together. i could still remember october 2nd, 2010, so vividly. i thought he was amazing back then. today, i've realized that he's more amazing than what i've ever expected of him. we've been through shit. literally, shit. but what amazes me is that we always seem to pull through. if our love wasn't strong, i don't know how it would.

he's one of the only one of the few who would actually, really know my temperamental moods. one of the only one of the few whom i could really be comfortable with, be myself with. one of the only one. the only one. the one.

"Love is not perfect. Rather, a feeling full of problems and hardships. But it is through these problems and hardships that we know that love can survive and endure anything, and shall endure forever."

hahahaha omg so cute

2011-09-29T09:14:00.000-07:00

fake fake fake fake fake.
you're so in the middle you don't even know what's real anymore. the quietest people have the loudest thoughts.
a smile and a few strung out assuring words can fool the world. :)

2011-09-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

NOT my fingers, he he he.

flying chilliesss :D

sigh this is still so cute.

her bed :D <3

2011-09-28T05:13:00.001-07:00

i really hate a lot of things right now.

2011-09-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

hokkaido sushi ♡

hellokitty cover, :3 ♡

♡flying chillies w/ becky n' chris

my best friend ♡

midnight nails, ♡

matching mustache rings, ♡

kitty shirt ♡

close up of the kitty cover :D ♡

2011-09-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

don't say stuff without any proof.
don't accuse without any proof.
to be honest all of you are the same.

2011-09-19T06:18:00.001-07:00

2011-09-18T03:47:00.001-07:00

i think this week could be the best week i've had in a very,very long time.
:)

2011-09-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

you know what they say, when you can't beat them, join them.
keep your friends close. but keep your enemies closer.
:)
toodles! hehehe, :)

2011-09-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

why.. did you lie?
expected response, i lied because i didn't want you to be unhappy.
OH BOO HOO doesn't seem like i'm very happy after knowing that you lied.
how do i spell disappointed? sigh

2011-09-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

oh hey oh god today was the worse day ever. it's like.. a never ending epilogue
i spent the night (or early morning) tossing and turning in my bed, willing myself to fall asleep, eating painkillers, breathing techniques, you name it. except barbiturates because i've ran out of them. from 3 in the morning, till 7 in the morning. whatsapp-ed chris and decided to go to college for a study group til about 3pm, and meet up with the boyfriend for dinner then sleep at 9PM, thus fixing my terrible sleep schedule. felt dizzy through out, can't even walk straight. bunch of strangers from the other class i really CBF to get to know decided to go for lunch and we all went together. WALKED, for 15 minutes, with barely an ounce of sleep and some pathetic amount of caffeine in my bloodstream in the burning scorching afternoon sun to some coffee shop which was SO crowded, and in case none of you knew, I AM EXTREMELY CLAUSTROPHOBIC. the last time i went to Mist i think i died mentally because of the confined space and the amount of sweaty old men. so alright and it was so effing stuffy and i just felt like passing out because i haven't had anything to eat for like the past 24 hours or so (time is very blurry at that point) except for two pieces of digestives. it was so stuffy and humid and i was sweating bullets. while trying to stuff down food i do not want to eat. UGH. after an hour of that i had to walk all the way back to college, which is effing far for someone in my condition. chris and maha kept telling me i was exceptionally pale and that my green veins are popping out all over my arms and face. WTF, FELT LIKE I WAS DYING. but i didn't unfortunately.
that was after i got to know stuff happened and dinner is canceled. for the second time.. in 3 days. so...wtf. i felt so dumb for even walking out of my house. i should have just stayed at home and tried sleeping again and to avoid all these shit. i guess at that point i really was very disappointed. i don't know, i couldn't even think of anymore. the drive home was scary as hell since i thought i was gonna pass out while on the highway and my eyes were so dry my contact lenses popped out and i had to stop by the middle of the road to squeeze it back in. oh and neighboring cars must think i'm a total psycho since i was kinda sorta not really bawling my lungs out while singing along to rihanna. i knew i acted like a complete bitch today but it's like i don't even care anymore ugh if you really think i'm that big of a bitch then i don't think i really need anyone in my life.
then i reached home at 3 like a pathetic mofo and fell asleep and woke up at 10pm. it's 4:12am now and i just hope all these fuckery would just fucking stop.
everyone keeps saying just be yourself but how can you be yourself when you're actually in reality a fucking mess.

2011-09-03T02:14:00.001-07:00

omg wtf i have such a fucking whack life

2011-09-01T10:41:00.001-07:00

omg sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh
why is time passing so fast?
i don't know, i actually wish time would pass quicker. so.. i don't know, to get to better places. but i'm scared as well. i don't want time to pass so quickly but it's already september. SEPTEMBER. 3 more months til the end of the year and it seems like 2011 have just started. i don't know,i can't wrap my head around the idea. it's so sad.
i've been having my raya holidays for A WHOLE WEEK ALREADY. it seems like i've just wasted a week just like that. a whole week.
i'm actually in a pretty miserable state.

2011-08-31T09:06:00.000-07:00

i really don't get it. i really, really, don't get it. i try to convince myself it's because of other more pressing reasons but then all the evidence shoots back at me screaming and me saying, NO IT'S AN EXCUSE. AN EXCUSE. AN EXCUSE.
is it really that important? so important that it undermines everyone's trust? leading to deception? continual deception since one lie leads to another. i don't get it. i really don't get it.

2011-08-28T12:18:00.000-07:00

do people even still come here?
i secretly hope not. really though.
soooooo.. it's the holidays, and, that's good. almost ascertained i'm going to flunk my qualifying tests right after this so, that's bad.
people might think just because i feel a lot, i must be really good at handling feelings. well, they're wrong. sigh, i'm so bad at handling my emotions. i'm really bad at dealing with feelings. when i have all these penned up feelings inside, i don't know how to release them. the only feeling i know how to release (or channel into) is anger. and, like, i don't know. i'm feeling a lot right now. but it's all penned up. like, you know, i'm fine and all i really am, but it's like turmoil boiling inside. i guess it's been a rough month. pretty, really, rough. and i'm just mad most of the time. mad at, nothing in particular, myself, i guess.
and, when you already feel so inadequate, to have someone add on to it and prove further how worthless you really are. i don't really know how to deal with that, just accept it and try to change? that would be the best thing to do. but there would always be this nagging etching feeling in your heart, screaming all the sour somethings.. you're a bitch. you're a horrible, horrible bitch. and a bad person. people shouldn't even put up with you at all. you're terrible, having you around is a pain.
hmm. it hurts, but it's true. but it hurts. but it's true.
i guess that's one of the worst feelings. but i don't know how to deal with it.
and, i miss a lot of things.
i didn't think much of it when it all happened, but through the course of time i realized how much i really appreciated those moments, and how i wish i could have them back.

2011-08-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

theres the stupid people. the ones that are barely catching up in class, unable to learn as quickly as everyone else.

then theres the other type of stupid people,who assume stuff and accuse people of it when they don't even know of the whole story. but still talk shit about it.

sadly enough i think the latter type of stupid people are the ones that should be condemned.

2011-08-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

he's just not that into you :P

2011-08-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

i think i was momentarily possessed at that moment.
maybe. it would be a possibility. or it simply could be the exploding result of simmering turmoil. i believe it's the latter, temporary constriction of the passageway, using the limbs as a way of letting out inner insanity. once again i believe, temporary.
it was a strong hold. much stronger than i've ever experienced. it throbs.
incompetence. indifference. discontentment. disappointment stemmed from over expectations. sudden outbursts of rude and blatantly honest statements. the 5 seconds of egoistic glory is not worth the aftermath of being frank. but some deserved it undoubtedly. that moment when your ego stops you from reaching out and (maybe) achieving the verbal solace that you seek at 1:34 in the morning. thoughts, ugly thoughts, desperation is frowned upon, you should have known.
keeping things, filling yourself up to the brim. pessimistic thoughts, how you're nobody's first priority, the ultimate first, instead always an option. not spoken, but conspicuously felt.
with words i cannot verbalize,
like waiting outside a door, not knocking, solemnly and expectantly waiting for it to open and welcome you in with warm arms and comforting nothings, but not knocking..
because your ego, it screams at you, hurls at you, desperation. desperation.
the realization, when you've always thought you were the oddball, the one whose mind is wired differently than everyone else's, the one who's on a different channel..and again, i emphasize, the realization, that you are..and increasingly, getting gradually more insane.
have you ever felt that your mind has voices that are constantly spewing, screaming, yelling different things all at once at you but you can't ever fine tune it in such a way that you could hear just one voice? it's a mass of voices, like you're possessed, and you get thoughts, sadistic ones which only garners warm embarrassment and abashed tinted stomachs, but it only ever feels liberating at the time.
a reminder of the lack of 'normal'ness, eats at you when you touch the bumps surfacing.

not what i didn't feel, was what i didn't show.

and all i ever do is give, it's time you see my point of view

2011-08-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

hello, hello.
so.. it's 1:40 in the morning and i should be in bed.
it's hard to keep things to yourself. some days you try so hard, some days you just let your resistance down and suffer consequences that you would soon berate yourself for, some days you wonder, and just wonder, if you could ever be free from its' grasps.
and i'm just like.... sdfsdfsdfs because nobody knows :)

2011-08-10T07:30:00.001-07:00

LOOK AT THE ALPACA JUMPING OMG SO ADORABLE
i'm not gonna apologize for filling my blog recently with photos of alpacas. seriously, why are they so cute? and they seem to really love pecks on the cheeks :3

oh em gee :3 i love pecks on the cheeks too :3 hehehehehehe
sigh these few days i've realized

i am actually quite retarded.
my temper is actually not as bad as i've thought.
i need to become physically stronger U_U
my english sucks.
i have been quite lazy.
IDGAF.
am pretty gullible.
i would convert sadness into anger.
i love the boy more.

becky becks becks

2011-08-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

so cute.

you make me,

smile like the sun,

fall out of bed,

sing like a bird,

dizzy in my head,

spin like a record,

crazy on a sunday night..

dance like a fool,

forget how to breathe,

shine like gold,

buzz like a bee,

just the thought of you can drive me wild..

haha. do you remember?

2011-08-06T09:45:00.001-07:00

taken from : schoee.blogspot.com

I ~~WANT~~ NEED AN ALPACA

2011-08-04T10:19:00.000-07:00

fraaaaaarrrrckkkk.
realized i haven't been swearing lately. especially not on twitter. nor on facebook. not here either. not in real life either. (not...really? :D with the exception when i'm driving k cuz imbecilic drivers are EVERYWHERE SERIOUSLY DO YOU GUYS LACK THE ''LOGICAL'' BRAIN CELL OMG dumbasses *shakes head)
so yes ugh so i'm gonna talk about the most dumbass thing ever.

i skipped english literature class. two days in a row. NO BIG DEAL RIGHT? obviously, NO BIGGIE. people skip classes all the time, we're not *bleeping* OBLIGED to be in class all the *bleeping* time! and if i want to *bleeping* skip, i *bleeping* skip! even though today was seriously a miscalculation on my part.. and i accept it. it's my fault. i admit that. i've been barraging myself for my stupidity. BUT I CAN'T *BLEEPING* CHANGE THE PAST. i'm sorry that i skipped, but what do you expect me to do? you don't have any *BLEEPING* rights to threaten me with... ''this is the last time i want you to be absent for morning classes...''
OH YEAH?? OH YEAH?? what are you gonna do if i *bleeping* don't turn up tomorrow morning? i REALLY would want to see what you can REALLY do. suspension? expulsion? i would like to see you try. i never knew that COLLEGE had the *bleeping* rights to suspend a student when they have a VALID REASON. VALID. REASON. (and if not valid, totally accidental) OH RIGHT WOW with the ''i'll call your parents'' shiz? seriously? that's the best you could come up with? i stopped getting scared by that threat 10 years ago, KEEP UP. if i've been in a less stringent and rigid college, i would have NO PROBLEMS SKIPPING CLASSES UNINTENTIONALLY. how many college students actually skive classes? PLENTY???????? if my best friend skipped a whole day of college (he's from sunway, by the way.) the lecturers wouldn't even have BATTED AN EYELASH. okay, maybe they would ask.. to a certain extent. but excuse letters? seriously? okay.. i would request of my parents to type those dreaded excuse letters, but still BARRAGING ME AND THREATENING ME WITH EMPTY THREATS THAT I'M NOT *BLEEPING* AFRAID OF AND JUST *BLEEPING* IRRITATED WITH is just crossing the line.
oh it's for my own good, my own future, my own *bleeping* english literature performance, oh seriously? i wouldn't have blamed you if i get less than a 4.0 for this subject, really. i would've blamed myself for being not hardworking enough, AND NOT YOU. NEVER YOU. so what is your problem really? responsibility? guilt? *BLEEPING* MENOPAUSE???

THE LORD IS TESTING ME

2011-07-31T08:23:00.000-07:00

♥♥♥ best yogurt!

♥♥♥

♥

once upon a time i was falling in love,

now i'm only falling apart.

once upon a time, there was light in my life,

now there's only love in the dark.

♥♥♥♥♥

2011-07-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

oh my..goshhhh!! i have super writer's block! i totally have NOTHING i want to write. and NOTHING i want to say. and NOTHING i would like to rant about that's for the public eye. and NOTHING i would like to document! gosh.. i knew this day would come. all good things come to an end. my mojo is officially gone... *echoes* gone gone gone.. i think one of the reasons why i don't really like expressing my mind anymore is because i myself find people who are overly assertive about their own opinions on their own blogs are quite.. annoying. and arrogant.

and i really feel that i'm quite a phlegmatic person in arguments, until the limit is exceeded and the line crossed. then i turn vicious. but i essentially hate spewing venom,.. not one of my favorite things to do but sometimes i can't help but to feel that way when the line is crossed. things are so confusing. the more i think about it the more befuzzled and confuzzled i get. sometimes you're arguing so much and so elaborately that at the end of the day, you forget what really matters and sometimes, even what sprouted the argument, what was the point of quarreling. maybe sometimes i have an overly simplistic view on things, i feel that problems.. especially emotional problems, how you FEEL, (or in other words, less severe problems.. as severe problems are matters of sickness, death..et cetera but ALSO not any less hurtful and perturbing) can be solved. with the right incentive and the right attitude, it WILL be solved. or maybe.. (so many theories..?) i know how it feels to give up way too easily. to lose things because of our egos. to not fight for things that matter to you.. or have once mattered to you. and i do fight, i fight for things that i know matters the world to me, but sometimes.. sometimes.. just sometimes....

2011-07-26T04:14:00.000-07:00

oh..
my..
gosh.
freedom of speech. freedom of expression.
:X
U__U i just need someone to talk to.

2011-07-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

i tried to forget

but you grew roots around my ribcage

and sprouted flowers

just below my collarbones

all day i pluck their petals

but i have not yet ascertained

whether you love me

or not.

:P x

purrrdayyyy x

i love penguins!! x

and becky x

and poodle x

2 years ago trololol

lav

2011-07-18T07:07:00.001-07:00

2011-07-16T08:01:00.001-07:00

i know how to take care of myself.
so stop trying to criticize the things i do.

oh.. and.. HI!!! :D

2011-07-10T08:14:00.000-07:00

universal studiosssss! :D
gosh i miss the galactic roller coasters :D
and guess who has like totes, like, no makeup on? hahahaha!! take that!
plus, today is THE ELEVENTH OF JULY! THE GLORIOUS GLORIOUS ELEVENTH OF JULY!! we all know what that means :D
actually, it's not the date that's glorious. it's just the month :D
HAHAHA!! okay!! goodnight u_u

2011-07-09T05:43:00.000-07:00

good morning!

today kinda sucked.

2011-07-06T02:55:00.000-07:00

macaronsssss! which was only alright. @canele

super cravvers for swirlart's froyo i don't think i'd ever get sick of it._.

dipdyed my hair! wanted lavender but ohwell.

bought the cutest cover from accesorize at raffles city! omggggg so cuteeeee :D :D

beanboozled which is awesome and which i haven't opened yet /loner

craversss for snowflake too! especially the ocha balls :(

mani sesh during math w anyi and michelle hahahahaha :D

super awesome!! :D

sugaa rush during law /weneededit

tuttifrutti's froyo which is pwned bad by swirlart's but still i waaaaaaant

my favorite vitamin waterrrr

handburgeeeer :D @raffles

lunnnnch hahaha so inappropriate

dog food at betty's midwest kitchen

PHALLIC SYMBOL HAHAHAA ///PSYCHOLOGY
25 $ hot dog. -_- which was whack

lunch

/needforrhinoplasty
okay..i'll see you then.

2011-06-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

when she says she loves you, always tell her you love her more.

2011-06-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

what an empty night. so angry. anger so deafeningly intense that it's clouding up every strand of sanity.

“As girls come of age sexually, the culture gives them impossibly contradictory messages…. Somehow girls are supposed to be innocent and seductive, virginal and experienced, all at the same time. As they quickly learn, this is tricky. Females have long been divided into virgins and whores, of course. What is new is that girls are now supposed to embody both within themselves. This is symbolic of the central contradiction of the culture—we must work hard and produce and achieve success and yet, at the same time, we are encouraged to live impulsively, spend a lot of money, and be constantly and immediately gratified. This tension is reflected in our attitudes toward many things, including sex and eating. Girls are promised fulfillment both through being thin and through eating rich foods, just as they are promised fulfillment through being innocent and virginal and through wild and impulsive sex…. The emphasis for girls and women is always on being desirable, not on experiencing desire…. advertisers can’t conceive of a kind of power that isn’t manipulative and exploitive or a way that women can be actively sexual without being like traditional men…. A young woman seems to have only two choices: She can bury her sexual self, be a ‘good girl,’ give in to what Carol Gilligan terms ‘the tyranny of nice and kind’ (and numb the pain by overeating or starving or cutting herself or drinking heavily). Or she can become a rebel—flaunt her sexuality, seduce inappropriate partners, smoke, drink flamboyantly, use other drugs. Both of these responses are self-destructive, but they begin as an attempt to survive, not to self-destruct.”

BUT THEY BEGIN AS AN ATTEMPT TO SURVIVE, NOT TO SELF-DESTRUCT.

name it i've done it

2011-06-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

when i start to wonder why i tolerate so much of your shit, then i realize that you tolerate alot of mine too. i think you only truly tolerate people that you care about.
for instance, i am not liable to tolerate shit fat bitches throw at me. seriously?
i honestly am getting abit tired of food. /wishfulthinkin'::mindlessdreamin'
two hours of c2 math today w/ becky. i guess it was pretty productive if i may say so myself
such an unsatisfactory night though haha.
i am so sick of driving at least 2 hours a day. i feel like a cab driver.
watched green lantern tonight! it was so bad seriously how could anyone even enjoy that? the only good part was blake lively and her amazinger clavicles i cannot stop staring at. the story line is retarded, predictability to the point of unbearable pain, villains which looks downright disturbing and just.. implausible.
amazing how i could spend hundred ringgit on macarons alone this week.
it's soooo amazing how many bad habits i have no one knows of
albeit how (some opinionated) females might appear to be such feminists, (i don't count myself as a feminist, but i could put myself into that mindset) we always would appreciate a gentleman doing gentlemanly things. i don't think it's assumed at this point, 'cuz people prove to me there's just a whole lot to be desired.
even if you're being PRETENTIOUSLY gentlemanly,(very much experienced this first-hand,stemmed mostly from much wanted admiration and egotistical asses) it's WAY better because guess what? SOME effort goes a long way. not tryin' to promote pretense but more of (socially assumed) moralities.
why does this even hurt so much?
anyway as i was sayin' before i got sidetracked (watched a video, thought about mentaiko onigiri, chose a song on itunes, analyzed my painful tummy, then realized i was on my ANTI-feminist rant hahaha no not really i'm not promoting anti-feminism either by stating that the opposite sex should be super gentlemanly. but once you think of it, by making the opposite sex be gentlemanly, we get better treatment and in turn this actually makes females superior and thus boosts feminism! see how it's actually a diabolical plan in disguise?) so i'm really just wanting more than i am offered. because i am selfish. and a poorly disguised feminist. i demand for my rights!
and no before you ask i don't think it's fine for a guy to take a girl's money. might sound horrendous (or typical..? this better not be typical.) but i had the worst first date ever. it was so horrible that i've actually permanently deleted it from my memory trace.. but because of the strong intense feelings of disgust etched onto the memory it has evolved into a flashbulb memory and thus still in my memory trace. so i was 15, young, skinny and naive.. and before i go any deeper i was just practically FORCED to pay for ME MYSELF & I, and HIM as well. i know, right? needless to say i ceased contact immediately. but thinking of it retrospectively, it really does seem like an atrocious thing. who lets a girl pay on the first date anyway? yeah, undeveloped *asterisks*
i don't know what spiked this rant, it's been running through my mind for a couple of weeks i guess. i'm just trying to procrastinate studying law by writing this.
i hope this mentaiko onigiri craving goes away.
everyone's a bitch

2011-06-16T04:41:00.000-07:00

it does seem like i buy macarons every other day. hahaha :D they're super gorgeous though..
went to levain with becky and chris! it was like an hour ride from my place. and bought macarons!! i've only tried the lemon, pistachio and triple chocolate so i've yet to come to my verdict. but they're really sweet though, which is exactly what i like :D chris gobbled up five of them in 10 minutes.

/diabetesface x

2011-06-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

photos i forgot existed, when we went to Ninja Joes!

went over to bangsar village for brunch and bought macarons! green tea, passionfruit and strawberry. the passionfruit one's filling taste absolutely sour. green tea is amaaaaazingersss!
went to the zoo on monday and tuesday for community service, and it was pretty tiring! i never knew sweeping up leaves could be such a work out. but it was pretty fun.

goonaitee

2011-06-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

aaaah i'm sa hot i luv myself sa much i juz wanna kees myself moomomomomowah
today's like, an amazing day. amazing because i woke up and received a text saying, ''TOPSHOP MAKEUP AVAILABLE IN PAVILION!!''. damn. made my day. i love topshop makeup, shut up. then i got to spend my afternoon with my high school ahmazinger besties which i already miss to death.

topshop makeup!! couldn't resist buying 5 eyeliners.. and aah i just kind of wanted to get everything, especially the zomg amazinger lipsticks and eyeshadows (which i DIDN'T, by the way, frugality much) the eyeshadow pigments are great especially the black one, (which happens to be the only one i've tried) and aaah it was like going to sephora. i just wanted to get every frigging thing.

i love this picture even though i look retarded. (and no, this is not the cue for you to tell me i look beautiful so SHUT UP, NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE THAT.)
i think a little effort goes a long way.

2011-06-08T04:56:00.000-07:00

macaronnnnnns! been craving for them since forever (especially the green tea one!!) went over to Empire and got the caramel, strawberry, raspberry, chocolate, and almond one. the almond one is ahmazingerssss oh my but the raspberry's filling kind of tasted like some sort of chewy candy. and it was just extremely chewy and not very meringue-y at all. but still better than the crappy ones i had at the vanilla place, which tasted like biscuits ugh and i hate biscuits i hate them i hate them!! ]:
mm okay i'm officially deemed obsessed.
hungry!

2011-06-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

omg i look like a bunny, i'm so cuteeee wheeee :D
rum bum bum bum bum

2011-06-04T08:16:00.000-07:00

so these few weeks has been pretty retarded. actually it wasn't.. oh wait yeah it was. things have been spiraling downwards gradually since the beginning of may. (everytime i start to talk about how pathetic i actually am i always get this feeling that people are cheering and basking in their own sadistic elation stemmed from my sadness, is that true? i think so.)so may was actually pretty whack. i keep sitting and wishing how june would just come already and i was so convinced that june was going to be emmeffing awesome because i wouldn't have college yadee yadaa and i would get so much more free time for myself. so i was really expecting june to really work for me, you get? to be really amazing (in contrast with the rest of my life) and filled with happyfying things and i would fall asleep with a smile (okay, no smiles, that was for exaggeration of my happiness but a vacant expression would highly suffice). i actually don't really know what i was expecting, but i'm sure i'm getting none of what i was expecting. ha ha! i am so vague i should be a poet.
so as i said before, things have been spiraling downwards. i've been quarreling alot with people that i love, (not because of you, so shut up) i've been pretty stressed with a levels. (actually no i've just been whacking it. i hate a levels. i don't even wanna be in a levels. i don't even wanna do math! but i digress.) and i've been having such whack self control that i've gained weight like never before. that's REALLY depressing, as much as i would like to avoid the subject and avoid the problem and just feign ignorance but it's been affecting me like..crap. and i can't really talk about it, not like i would have anyone to talk about it with (or even want to talk about it with anyone..i'm contradicting myself.)but really though, things have been really tough. it has always been tough. but right now it's at its' peak. or at least, i hope this is the peak because i sure can't handle any more than this.
and i actually am pretty pissed off. i don't know at what. and at whom. but i just am.
and disappointed as well. gosh how do people be HAPPY?? are you guys just going through everyday life pretending to be happy or are we all incomplete?
oh, and i got into another accident on thursday afternoon. IN MY COLLEGE. i'm just going to avoid all the nitty gritty details and claim that it's not my fault. but i paid that stupid mofo because my dad asked me to so... i'm pretty pissed off at that. because it wasn't my fault to begin with! and i'm sick of taking the blame for everything.
i'm just the most broken person ever.

2011-06-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

so i haven't been here for quite a loooong time. a week. okay. Michelle's birthday! had korean bbq :D
just watched kung fu panda 2!!!!!! it was soooooo cuteeeeeeeee! and i don't even like geese!
going to the zoo next week for community service :D pretty psyched. kind of.
so i never quite expected things to end this way but okay.
i love days like these with no drama, no fighting, no squabbles.
i love my best friend :D
it's hard to prove your point with substantial facts when your point is a lie in the first place. to cover up a lie with more lies.
emptiness and aspartame anyone?

2011-05-28T06:47:00.000-07:00

omg you gaiiiiise. do you know that jigglypuff evolves from igglybuff when it has a high happiness level? :D :D :D -irrelevance-
i feel like a jigglypuff
boyfriend bought me a pig!!
tonight's going to be the best night of all nights because i don't have college tomorrow and i fully intend to have 17 hours of sleep and hang out with the best friend like lazy jigglypuffs on a lazy sunday #likeajigglypuff
people are SOOOO two faced. three faced. four faced. disparagement of humanity
small sacrifices are made.. for the greater good. right?
maybe if we look pass all the complexness of human behaviors and focus solely on the superficiality of friendship we could all be great friends.
i think that's what the world should be about. superficiality. no hurt, no confusion, just superficiality.
am i really such a mean person? :(
i don't think i mind people calling me bimbotic anymore. i prefer to be bimbotic than fake/mean/two faced. at least bimbos don't hurt anybody right?
i don't think mean people have conscious consciences. so i might be salvable.
i honestly really hate fighting. can we all be superficial and gorge on strawberry macarons..
sometimes i say things that i honestly don't mean. but nothing i do can ever displace those words.
i just want to be a jigglypuff and munch on strawberry macarons and buy sephora makeup and spend all my money on topshop clothes.
and i would enjoy every moment of superficiality. (but overexposure to superficiality would soon turn superficiality into reality) because jigglypuffs are always happy.

2011-05-27T08:20:00.000-07:00

yishern! :D
omg man.. i look like jigglypuff.
i think that's a good thing.

2011-05-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

today, was so tiring.
that was after us walking to KL sentral just to see Jay Chou. I'm not even a fan! but we all turned into fangirls after seeing him. He was quite good looking though :D
and i have so much homework and research to be doing! one month of study break coming up in 3 days so that's something to look forward to, ( i guess? )
x love youuu

pikchers!

2011-05-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

mentaiko onigiri + matcha ice-cream + frozen strawberries for lunch!!!
mentaiko pasta + cheesecake + roasted milk tea for dinner!!!
green tea milk tea when i come home = . . . obesity
obesity occurs to 3 adults out of 10. JSYK.
it's one thing if you're a backstabber. but when you're a LYING backstabber? that's low.
i'm going to start driving like my life depended on it from now on (LITERAL RULE IN INTERPRETING)
:3 and -_- on facebook chat IS SO CUTEEEE.
i am very unsubstantial right now. goodnight!

2011-05-21T06:28:00.000-07:00

mayuuun i'm kinda kewl

2011-05-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

i feel very mean now. one of those moments when i feel compelled to be impolite and brash and accepting FULL responsibility for my action. you know those kind of moments? when you retort to something someone said, KNOWING that an argument or fight would break out. but you still do it anyway. because you're just a crazy bitch like that. can't handle it? DON'T handle it.

the key to not being hurt : superficiality.
sounds good to me

so how come when i reach out my finger, it feels like more than distance between us?

2011-05-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

2011-05-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

when someone says something so incredibly stupid, that you feel pointless in correcting them and you're all like, *shakes head*
when you honestly don't care about something anymore, the irrelevance and indifference feels so liberating, and you're wondering why it even mattered.
when you think back at previous endeavors and you're like, wait lol seriously if i meet my past self i would have bitch slapped her till she wakes up from her ridiculous reverie.
but you have new reveries now. that you're ascertained you would want forever. let's see how this goes.
when you're in someone elses' facebook by accident and you clicked on their notifications. oh. oops.
at that exact moment, you know in the deepest pit of your heart it's real. and it warms your heart like nothing does. you envelope yourself in the happiness and you develop severe withdrawal symptoms when you're deprived.
as i am reconciled, it's as if i was in dulled pain,and the reconciliation made me whole again.
when you're so elated there's a public holiday tomorrow and you realize you have assignments piled up waiting to be done.
when i am just marveling over how i even deserve this.
i don't want to say things i don't mean anymore.
when you're in risk of losing a friend for the greater good.
we all have our own demons to fight so i am sorry, if i am running out of fucks to give.
my obsession is actually getting kind of pathetic. in a good way. always a good way.
when your math teacher smiles at you for 5 seconds every single time she needs a freaking math answer and you're like UHHH
when you pour out what you're really thinking and 2 minutes later you're like WHAT HAVE I DONEEEEE
when you wake up and read your own blog and you're like WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUUUUT

2011-05-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

ugly on the outside. ugly on the inside too.
brbz working on it now. not.

surprisingly low tolerance

2011-05-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

head was getting heavy. the silent thudding and pounding of the blood in my veins gradually become audible. so audible, that at a point it was all i could hear. all i could concentrate on. the steady strong pounding that is my heart, rapidly sending sufficient oxygen into my head. i realized, i forgot to breath. i take long deep breaths, wishing to feel like anything but this. trading any other physical pain in the world than this slow mental literal suicide. silently making a truce, that i honestly was prepared to fulfill. we all make promises we don't intend to keep.
i tilted my head high, then instantly regretted it. felt like i was weightless, it wasn't a good feeling. i then proceeded to drop on the icy bathroom floor that felt strangely comforting to my burning head and tired limbs. i was breaking into cold sweat and i marveled incredulously, i couldn't figure out if i was hot or cold. maybe a combination. i could have been laying down for 5 minutes, or 30 for the matter, it felt infinite. i was mildly surprised by my strength to get up, push my hair out of my face and stare in the mirror. they were right. i look like a ghost. it wasn't meant to be a compliment. an overwhelming desire in the form of muscle contraction took over and i felt instantly better in 5 minutes.
#lowtoleranceloser ]': x x

2011-05-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

what's the point of talking when the other person responds in what they think we want to hear?
so superficial. so lacking. so unsubstantial. disappointed silence fills the air. sometimes it's even louder than words itself. it engulfs you. attempts to block your airway as you swallow back as best as you could while taking a deep breath.
i'd r a t h e r be A L O N E . x
awwwright phst i feel like i should just shut up. enough whining. SHUTTING UP at my own blog,what incredulous irony.

'm good. 'm g0ne x

2011-05-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

goodnight.

emotional quotient

2011-05-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

emotions. i have them. i have lots of them. sometimes quietly forcefully penned up; ignored and suppressed by controversial distractions. sometimes seemingly spinning out of control, like a blender without a lid, like a bulimic spewing vomit uncontrollably. i deem myself slightly ashamed of my excessive emotions. i always feel like i have too much of them, like i'm queer, an odd-ball, not normal.
that is until today.
i have never, ever, met somebody with so much immature emotions boiling up beneath them. it's like they've never came across the word pokerface. you get agitated, livid, angry, sad, upset about legitimate things - fine. i'm the same. but when you get unreasonably livid at UNREASONABLE matters.. it gets pretty irritating after time. even someone with the highest tolerance for imbeciles would get piqued after an excessive immature tantrums that you throw.
you make me feel really good about myself, you do know that right? you make me feel as if i'm the less emotional one.the less petty one. the one with more mental maturity. you make me feel really superior in contrast with how you behave. i'm just pissed. i'm pissed that i'm being blamed and being put in a bad light when i'm affirmative that the blame shouldn't be on me. maybe when you get over your ten year old tantrums we can still be friends.

todaaaay :)
okay goodnight.

2011-05-03T13:06:00.000-07:00

'' i think it's something about the inevitability. How nothing can keep them apart - not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end . . . ''
'' their love is their only redeeming quality, ''

i've finally, finally, finished doing the columns for Wuthering Heights!!! the amount of despair, violence and the inevitability of death can seriously mentally incapacitate someone. but i'm still on the high of finishing such gruesome work so i'm surprisingly unaffected! ha ha.
anyway mmm things have been at a standstill lately and nothing has been particularly interesting... slacking off alot on work as well. and oh yup something has been terribly frustrating, whenever i eat particularly oily/unhealthy food i get really..really queasy. it doesn't happen when i have healthy food or anything like that so it's very frustrating! had pork noodles with my college friends during break today and i felt like my head was going to fall off after. my immune system has been SO whack lately and i'm permanently with the companionship of a runny nose and throbbing headaches.
:(

life is so whack that i'm talking about my bodily dysfunctions on my blog #loserlmfao xo

ooh during math class :D #loserx10000000000lmfao
deathly playlist
#sunrise comes too soon - late night alumni
#sweet dreams are made of this - emily browning
#heart skips a beat - the xx
#shelter - the xx
#meant to be - late night alumni
#breathe me - sia
#i'm in here - sia
#just hold me - maria mena

2011-05-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

5:09 in the morning. time seems to pass exceptionally rapidly especially when i'm doing work. i think i like it.
i'm at the 25th chapter of writing columns for wuthering heights already! should be able to ease my guilt a little. i've been skiving off english literature class too much. 5 periods to be exact. honestly wasn't feeling well for 4 out of those 5 hours and another one was because i went out for lunch instead. phsssst that explains why i am so behind in english literature!! was totally lost with all the Heathcliff, Edgar,Catherine talk but i finally understand everything now!!Wuthering Heights isn't really as bad as i've expected really. very violent,very insane.
took two hours, what a well spent two hours.

so anyway, changed the layout here slightly. hope it's easy on the eyes! :D
waking up in three hours....! rewatching Thor tomorrow. i watched it tonight but i didn't really like it..?haha but that's because i was really exhausted though.
and can you guys access by Peijiun.com? i sure do hope so! :

and it's the 2nd of May today!! eight months.. mm :)